One day your child is chatty and close. The next, they’re behind a closed door, answering in one word, and you’re wondering what happened. Some distance is a normal part of growing up. But sometimes it’s a sign your teen is struggling. Here’s how to tell the difference.
What’s normal in the teen years
- Wanting more privacy and time alone or with friends
- Mood swings that come and go, often tied to sleep, school or friendships
- Pushing back on rules and testing independence
- Caring a lot about friends’ opinions and how they look
- Sleeping later. Teens’ body clocks naturally shift later.
- Trying on new interests, styles and identities
These changes are part of the teen brain’s job: learning to become an independent adult.
Signs your teen may need support
Pay attention when changes are intense, last more than two weeks, or affect daily life:
- Sadness, irritability or hopelessness most days
- Pulling away from friends and activities they used to love
- Big changes in sleep or eating
- Falling grades, skipping school or refusing to go
- Constant worry, panic attacks or avoiding situations out of fear
- Hours of screen time used to escape, or distress about what happens online
- Using alcohol, vaping or drugs
- Talking about feeling worthless or being a burden
- Signs of self-harm, such as unexplained cuts or always covering their arms
You’re not imagining it if you’ve noticed more teens struggling. In the CDC’s 2023 Youth Risk Behavior Survey, 40% of high school students reported persistent sadness or hopelessness, including 53% of girls.
If you or someone you love is in crisis, call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) any time, or call 911 in an emergency.
How to start the conversation
- Pick a low-pressure moment. Car rides, walks or cooking together often work better than a face-to-face “talk.”
- Lead with what you’ve noticed, not judgment: “You’ve seemed really tired and down lately. I’m here if you want to talk.”
- Listen more than you speak. Resist fixing, lecturing or minimizing.
- Ask directly about safety if you’re worried. Asking “Have you had thoughts of hurting yourself?” does not put the idea in their head. It opens the door.
- Keep the door open. If they shut down, try again later. Consistency matters.
What role is the phone playing?
Phones and social media can affect sleep, self-image and mood, and can also be where your teen finds friends and support.
How therapy helps teens
Therapy gives teens a private place to talk with someone who isn’t their parent, and practical skills for managing stress, anxiety and big emotions. Approaches like CBT and DBT skills are especially helpful for teens. Parents are usually involved in the plan, while respecting the teen’s privacy.
Peer groups can help too. Hearing “I’ve felt that way too” from other teens can be a relief.
Teen groups now forming at Lighthouse
- The Open Door, an LGBTQ+ affirming teen group · Valley Stream · Submit an inquiry
- Teen Girls’ Group · Bronx · Submit an inquiry
Small, therapist-led groups where members practice coping skills and feel less alone. Learn about our groups.
Learn more about teen therapy at Lighthouse.
Concerned about your teen?
We’ll help you understand what’s going on and find the right support.
Sources
This article is for general education and isn’t a substitute for professional care.
